Friendship is one of those things we understand better with time. When I was a kid in the '90s, everything felt simpler — writing little notes to friends, signing each other’s shirts at the end of the school year, sleepovers with your best friend, spending hours on the phone talking about nothing and everything all at once. In our teens, we moved on to the mall, had crushes, and made plans over text messages (remember SMS? good times!).

Then adulthood arrived — and so did distance

But then adulthood showed up. Schedules got tighter, time got shorter, and the endless scroll on our phones gave us a false sense of being up to date with everyone’s lives. We see a photo of a dinner or a trip and think, “Oh, she’s doing fine!” But... is she really?

I felt this deeply over the last few years. Living far from Brazil, I started to value time with the people who truly matter even more. That message saying “let’s grab coffee sometime” stopped being just polite — it became an act of genuine connection. Because friendship needs presence, exchange, intention. We can’t build lasting bonds just with story reactions or likes on pretty posts.

Low-maintenance or no maintenance at all?

That’s exactly what I talked about in my art journaling video on low-maintenance friendships. Everyone talks about that kind of friendship where you don’t have to talk every day, but when you meet again, it feels like no time has passed. Yes, that’s beautiful — but there’s a difference between low maintenance and no maintenance. Every relationship needs effort from both sides.

If someone only remembers you when they need something, never even sends a “hi,” disappears and reappears whenever it’s convenient... is that really friendship? At most, it’s an occasional contact. True friendship isn’t about talking every day, but it’s also not about forgetting each other exists. Keeping connections alive takes intention, even if it’s just a simple “I miss you.”

Friendship is emotional health too

Dr. Drauzio Varella once said: friendship isn’t just emotional, it’s about health too. Studies show that loneliness can increase the risk of cardiovascular disease, speed up cognitive decline, and even affect sleep. It might sound like an exaggeration, but it makes sense, right? When we have someone to lean on, the weight of the world feels lighter.

And I know maintaining friendships in adulthood isn’t easy. It takes effort. Sometimes we have to be intentional, send a message even when there’s no reason, plan that coffee, insist a little. I saw a post on Instagram that said the secret to long-lasting friendships is in the calendar — and it makes total sense! We schedule work meetings, dentist appointments, reminders to pay bills... so why not set time aside for friends too?

Consistency and intention: the real secrets of true friendships

A New York Times article once shared a beautiful example: a group of friends that meets every Sunday, no matter what. Same place, same pancakes. That kind of consistency helped their friendship grow in a way only time and intention can.

I know life is busy, sometimes we’re tired, so it’s easier to stay home binge-watching shows than go out for coffee. But here’s what I’ve learned: friendship is like a plant — if you don’t water it, it dries out.

So, if you’re always the one starting the conversation, maybe it’s time to ask yourself: does this friendship still make sense?

Send that message to the friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Plan a coffee, a lunch, and a happy hour (even if it’s virtual) — or just send a “I’ve missed you.” Because true friendship isn’t about how often you talk, but about the intention to be present when it matters. And sometimes, all we need is a little reminder that it’s worth showing up.

👉 Want to hear more about this? Check out my art journaling video on low-maintenance friendships. I talk about that fine line between maintaining and forgetting — and trust me, it turned out beautifully!

Little snapshots of a Saturday in Idaho

Here’s a small glimpse of a Saturday morning here in Idaho. In the pictures: Lucas (my husband) and my dear friends Leonie and Yana. Leonie is German, and Yana is from Belarus.

They said yes to my invite, and off we went skiing — and even with the language barrier (after all, I arrived here not speaking any English), we’ve built a real connection. They don’t speak Portuguese, but they love our language and are always curious to learn a bit more, while I learn English with them too. Even with cultural differences and the language challenge, they always find a way to be present: inviting me for coffee, joining me for dinner at home. We show up for each other , little by little, with each meeting, and that’s what truly strengthens a friendship.

To Leonie and Yana, my heartfelt thanks for being such kind and present friends. You teach me every day that friendship knows no borders — and when there’s genuine interest in connecting, language is never a barrier. It’s just another way to learn and grow together. ❤️